the Atlanta-Area Spanking Society

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Are you a top, or a switch who is planning to top? Here are some tips for you, especially if it’s your first spanking party.

1. You are at a multi-day spanking party. You don’t want to wear yourself out too soon, and you definitely don’t want to wear any bottoms out too soon. As a general guideline, on Thursday and Friday you should stick to hands and lighter implements, maybe some light wood or canes on Friday night, and then graduate to the harder spankings and heavier implements on Saturday and Sunday.
2. “No” is a complete sentence. If you ask someone to play, and they say “no”, that is not an invitation to ask them again later. However, if they say “not right now” or “maybe some other time”, you can ask later — within reason.
3. Don’t be pushy. Expect that you will be turned down for play at some point. This is normal.
4. It helps to get to know the person a little before you ask them to play with you. Exchange names, ask where they’re from, ask if they have any pet pictures they’d like to share (okay, maybe this one only works on some people), ask if it’s their first spanking party. You might still get turned down if you then ask to play, but this gives you a better chance of at least making a friend.
5. Bratting is not an invitation to play. Bratting is an invitation to discuss play.
6. Be pleasant, not bossy or rude. Just because you’re a top doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still have manners.
7. If the person you’re playing with is new to you, take some time to find out what they like. Negotiate the scene and stick to what you negotiated. Especially if you’re going to be bringing implements into the scene.
8. Not all bottoms are also submissive, and not all submissives are your submissive. If you’re a dom as well as a top, don’t assume everyone you’re going to spank is a sub.
9. If you are at the party with your partner, submissive, usually-exclusive bottom, etc., expect that they will be asked to play. That’s not intended to disrespect you; spanking parties are simply more casual when it comes to pickup play. Talk to your person about what the guidelines are when they are asked to play before it happens.
10. This is not a BDSM party (except in the dungeon playspace). In any play space except for the dungeon, the primary play should be spanking-focused.
11. Listen carefully for safewords. “Yellow” (pause a moment) and “red” (stop immediately) are not negotiable. Nor are any other safewords you and the bottom agree to.
12. If you’re not feeling fully comfortable with an implement, you should probably practice at home and on someone you know well (and hit yourself with it a few times too) before using it at a party. Obviously if you bought a new implement at the vendor fair and you want to use it, you can’t exactly practice at home, but you should at least practice a little on a pillow or something.
13. Remember that bottoms may need aftercare. Usually it’s just a hug and a short chat, but it may be more involved. Talk about aftercare before the scene so you know what is expected.

If you have any questions, please seek out a party organizer for assistance, either in person or on our Discord. We’re here to help.